Fear, Anxiety, & The Cost of Control

Read Time: 3 Minutes

I was way more anxious than I thought.

As a kid, I went to AA Meetings with my dad in an old Lutheran Church basement in Anchorage. It was my first spiritual formation. If I close my eyes, I can still see the stains on the linoleum floor and smell the burnt coffee pot pouring into styrofoam cups. At a young age in this space, I saw my share of the pain and consequence of a lack of self-control on relationships. While some blessings were derived, I vowed to never end up there myself.

Where are you afraid to go back to?

In a wild twist of events, I ended up at an Al-Anon meeting almost 30 years later. If unfamiliar, Al-Anon is another 12 step program for partners and children of addicts to go and process their relational struggles. Most come battling anxiety. Carrying worry-inducing symptoms of co-dependency; the pressure to feel okay only if someone else is okay with you. The fear of what might happen if they aren’t okay with you. The temptation to take control of relational outcomes.

My childhood fears had re-emerged in my adult relationships, and I was trying to find saving grace outside of Jesus. In a fateful loop, I was now the person in the old church basement at a meeting again. I was there to ask deeper questions about what steps I could get to break free from my fear and anxiety and need for control.

Maybe you can relate. Maybe you struggle with fear, anxiety, or control too?

The good news is I know someone who can help. My newfound friend and fellow pastor Dr. Sharon Hodde Miller wrote an amazing book called “The Cost of Control.” Sharon came on “But I Tell You” to talk about her own journey with control, and how it shifted through (re)discovering a more beautiful view of Jesus and how to follow Him.

I hope this episode can be a huge encouragement to you. That it can help you take greater risks in releasing control and experiencing God’s presence, peace, and power in the face of fear and anxiety you might be carrying